Jason has been under a lot of pressure recently. My normally “cool and calm” husband has been edgy and grumpy. And while I want to spend this time highlighting his bad attitude or offering a list of all the ways I have tried to lift his spirits, the honest truth is that I have not done a very good job loving and praying him through this season. My retaliatory nature has come out in full force, so I have been either withdrawing or matching his attitude. (FYI, I don’t recommend this approach.)
Last weekend I reached the end of my rope. While I never verbalized it, inwardly I was throwing my hands up saying, “Fine! If you don’t lead this family in the right direction, I will.” Normally Jason is an incredible leader, but this month has been difficult for him. It is almost as if he is leading us to the feet of stress instead of to the feet of our Savior. In true martyr-like fashion, I figured it was up to me to model faithfulness to our children.
It didn’t take very long before the Lord reminded me that he designed men to be the head of the house.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church… ~ Ephesians 5:23
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3
As I tried to rationalize my thoughts with the Lord, He further drove home his point by leading to me several different Bible stories. Each one was an example of a woman who, at her wits end, figured it was up to her to lead their family in the right direction.
- Eve– wanting to be like God, she ate from the forbidden fruit and then offered some to her husband (Genesis 3).
- Sarai – While waiting with her husband for the prophecy of a future offspring, she grew impatient and told her husband to sleep with her maidservant to fulfill God’s Promise (Genesis 16).
- Rebecca – Wanting her younger son to inherit the family blessing from her first born, she helped Jacob deceive his father, her husband (Genesis 27).
- Queen Jezebel – She used her husband, King Ahab, to carry out her murderous and hateful schemes (1 Kings 16- 2 Kings 9).
Did any of those examples turn out well?
When Wives Lead, Destruction Usually Follows!
Just as Eve carried on a discussion with the serpent on whether of not she should eat the fruit, I too took the bait. Did God really say you could never lead? What about when your husband isn’t leading as well as you could? What is leadership anyway? Don’t you have a voice? The more I dialogued with the Evil One, the less I encouraged my husband or prayed for him. Instead, I made decisions and plotted to carry them out. I grew angry as I expected Jason to answer to me and work under my timeline.
My husband is the God-appointed spiritual leader, whether or not I like the job he is doing.
The idea that I can lead our family better than my husband is a lie from Satan that I need to dismiss immediately instead of contemplating. No man is perfect, and almost all will go through a season (or two) where they aren’t living up the high standard God has set for them as the leader. But, that is between them and God. As wives, it is our job to make sure we stand before God with the confidence of having lived out Biblical wifehood regardless of our husband’s decisions.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. ~ Proverbs 31:10-12
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ~ Colossians 3:18
…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. ~Ephesians 5:33b
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ~ 1 Peter 3:1-4
There is a reason God did not place me in charge of my husband. In His infinite wisdom, he has created me to be a wife! My role is to be a helper and lover to my husband, not his critic or mother. While it isn’t often, the times when our marriage seems to experience a drought, I have always blamed Jason’s lack of leadership. Today I am admitting that perhaps my Scriptural disobedience is the actual catalyst!
Do you ever struggle with the temptation to take over the spiritual leadership in your marriage?
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