I was not planning on posting anything today, but since it is September 1st, I must publish something so that all the blog subscribers can receive this month’s printable prayer calendar! And, it just so happened that I had a doozy of a morning, which translates well into a blog post. Thank you in advance for having grace with this thrown-together-at-the-last-minute article.
For the past several months, my thoughts about food have been out of control. I was trying every known fad diet but then eating a pint of ice cream. I bounce back and forth between starving and binging. As a teenager, these thoughts preceded the onset of an eating disorder. I knew I was tiptoeing toward perilous territory.
So, I joined Weight Watchers. I’m currently a size four and so while I would yes, I would love to lose a little weight, I was seeking something to help me control my thoughts (and my food intake) while being accountable to eating. And honestly, the last three weeks have been very peaceful and refreshing. My mind isn’t always on food, and I’m not sneaking sweets.
However, I did not tell my husband.
Shame and embarrassment (or more concisely put, my pride) encouraged me to keep this hidden. I rationalized that because I used my “flex” money for the month on it, I didn’t need to tell him. Over the last three weeks, it has been nice not to complain to him that I don’t like my body. But I was still intentionally withholding information from him.
Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
Secrets, Secrets Hurt Someone.
Keeping things hidden in a marriage is playing with fire. I used my excuses to justify my behavior, but ultimately I hurt my marriage and our oneness by hiding part of myself. Like Adam and Eve hiding from God in the garden of Eden, I tried to avoid exposing myself before my husband. This morning, at the encouragement of my mentor, I told him. He didn’t care that I had joined Weight Watchers (although he was sweet enough to tell me over and over he loves my body), but he was hurt I kept it from him. He didn’t want me to feel like I had to experience this alone.
Yet, alone is where I wanted to be because it was easier.
It was easier to go about it alone than to admit I was struggling. It was easier to remain unseen than it was to scream for a lifeline. I assumed that my husband wouldn’t understand or would think it wasn’t the best use of our money. But actually, I stole an opportunity from my husband to support, encourage, and pray for me.
In the book of Amos, the Lord is speaking against Israel, and He says,
Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? ~ Amos 3:3
And while His point is that verse is referring to choosing to walk with evil, I can’t help but think about how this can also be a beautiful marriage truth. Jason and I agreed to walk together, and that means sharing everything. The sins, the mess up, the victories, and the joys. But it also means sharing the embarrassing and shameful moments. The times where we wish we could crawl in a hole or simply forget. The moments where we wish we didn’t have to tell our spouse something for one reason or another. This idea is supported elsewhere in Scripture,
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ Romans 15:5-6
On December 19th, 2004, Jason and I vowed to walk together. Not separately or half-heartily, but in complete unity. If I start hiding things, even something as “innocent” as joining a weight loss group, I start lagging behind my husband in our walk and give Satan a foothold. There is no place for secrets, omissions, deceit, or a solo journey within a marriage. Not Ever.
What is something that you have kept from your husband? If you haven’t shared it with him yet, perhaps today is the day!
September’s FREE PRINTABLE PRAYER CALENDAR is here! Hopefully, all blog subscribers can print theirs by clicking the link at the bottom of today’s e-mail! Feel free to e-mail me if you have any problems. Thank you so much for being part of this community!