My husband wanted to do a few errands and finish his Christmas shopping over the weekend. So, being the new cheerful wife that I am, I kissed him, smiled, and told him to take his time (although, between you and me, I was sure that he would be back in 2-3 hours).
When Jason finally arrived home, over four hours later, I was more than slightly agitated. I didn’t greet him with a smile nor did I express my gratitude that he had bought the remainder of our children’s gifts. Instead, he was welcomed back by short answers given in a snippy tone. When he inquired about my attitude, I pointed out that I had managed the children, fixed dinner, and nursed a splitting headache (and apparently counted the minutes he was gone).
My husband, who has the patience of Job, said, “The last thing you said to me was ‘Take your time.'”
After an awkward silence, I burst out laughing and Jason so did Jason (although my laughter was due to embarrassment and his was more of a gloating laugh, but I digress…). I had no other response because he was right! I had said that and he had taken me at my word.
I have been thinking about that conversation ever since…
Do I mean what I say?
I tell my husband to take his time, but what I really mean is “hurry home as quickly as you can.”
I tell him I am fine, but what I really mean is “I am irritated and either want you to grovel or leave me alone.”
I tell my husband that I don’t care where we go out to eat, but what I really mean is “I don’t care where we go as long as it is a place that I like.”
I tell him it is okay for him to hang out with his friends on Friday, but what I really mean is “why would you choose to leave our family… don’t you love us?”
I tell my husband that I don’t need anything special for our anniversary, but what I really mean is “I want you to get me a right-hand ring.”
I tell him I am sleepy and kiss him goodnight, but what I really mean is, “I want you to initiate sex tonight… I am not really that tired.”
Being a wife who is true to her word is of upmost importance to me. When I say I am going to do something, I must follow through. When I tell my husband that I love him and will never leave him, I want him to trust my words completely.
However, the sad truth is, if I am not a woman of my word in my daily choices then I can’t expect my husband to place unquestioned faith in my spoken promises.
In our parenting, my husband and I strive to be completely honest. While it is easier to tell our children we are out of cookies rather than explain to them that they aren’t allowed to have one… we choose the harder route because being upfront and truthful is important to us. Even right now, during this blessed Advent season, our children recognize the image of Santa, but we don’t pretend he leaves them presents under the tree. We take this goal very seriously, but of course we aren’t perfect. When I mess up (by saying, for example, I am eating “nothing” when really I am scarfing down a brownie… for breakfast) I apologize to them and share with them the truth. As parents, my husband and I are passionate about this.
Am I equally as passionate about being a wife who is truthful?
Honesty! That is what it boils down to, doesn’t it?! If I didn’t want my husband to be gone the better part of the day, then I shouldn’t have told him to take his time. Occasionally, I mean what I say at the time, but then circumstances make lead me to retract it. Yet, that approach is dangerous. Throughout our married life, I am sure times will come where I might want to retract the promises I made before the Lord to love, honor, cherish, and respect my husband all the days of my life, but I can’t go back on my word simply because of a situation or my own emotions.
To be a wife who lives out her wedding covenant, I must be a wife of my word each and every day. There is no trivial lie that can be excused and I cannot say things that I don’t mean. I must carefully guard my tongue so that only wise words are spoken. I must commit to intentionally live out what I have vocalized so that when I speak of my adoration, love, and commitment to my husband, he will be confident that I mean what I say.
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