I’ve been married over seven years and I am just now learning a lesson that has changed everything! While I wouldn’t describe myself as a “girly-girl” – I do enjoy being romanced, pursued, celebrated, and fought for (Okay, so maybe I am a girly-girl). My very patient husband has been wonderful at trying to fill my ever growing need for love. While I appreciate the gestures he makes, I still find myself, at times, feeling unloved and ordinary in our marriage. It got to the point recently where instead of saying, “Thank you!” when he was being romantic with me – I would critic him or ask him to do something grander to shout his undying love for me! (Even as I type this I can’t believe that was my attitude, but it was!) My husband is a romantic man by nature: he proposed to me in a song that he wrote and serenaded me with another surprise original song on our wedding day… in front of everyone! (Seriously, Darby, how grander does he need to be?!)
I found this insatiable hunger for romance very confusing. Why did I have it? Why did it mean so much to me? Why did I demand my husband needed to do a bigger and better job at romancing me?! I took my requests to the Lord and His answer was immediate and very clear: My ever growing need for love is from Him, but He alone can fill it. The fault was my own because I had my priorities mixed up and had put my husband in the role of a god. I expected him to fulfill me when that isn’t his job! I was created to be pursued by Christ!!!
Talk about a revelation! This simple fact that the Lord is pursuing me has not only moved me closer to Him in my faith, but it has been amazing for my marriage as well. I am no longer asking my husband to fulfill my heart’s every desire. Instead, I am turning to the Lord who is quick to shower me with His love and affection! I even apologized to my husband recently for all the unnecessary pressure I was putting on him simply because I was seeking fulfilling love in him alone. Now, of course, I do have to say my husband loves me passionately, but I can’t expect the “better -than-a -chick-flick-every-minute” romance to come from my husband because no matter how much my husband loves me – he will never be able fill my need. Only God will.
Now for the important part of this blog post! I am so thankful for the Word of God because it reminds me that God not only fills my need (Philippians 4:19), but He pursues me restlessly (Matthew 18:12-14). He loves me unconditionally (Romans 8:35-39). He celebrates my very existence (Zephaniah 3:17). He is jealous for me (Deuteronomy 4:24). He will fight Satan for me (John 10:10). He is my lover (1 John 3:1). What else could this girly-girl need?
The desire to be desired is instilled in the DNA of almost every human being. It ties us all together, and whether married or single, we all have One Person who will meet our every need. Finding Him, relating with Him, and soaking in His love fulfills the deepest hunger pain for love and acceptance. Knowing the depth of His love for us requires the response of complete and total worship. We lay down all other idols (including husband and children) to have our hearts totally and completely captivated by the Name above every other name.
Does He have your whole heart? I pray that as wives, all of our priorities will be in order and we won’t be seeking our fulfillment from our husbands, our children, or any other relationship or responsibility we have. It has to come from Christ alone. And when I am disciplined to walk in that truth – it brings so much freedom, grace, and unconditional love into my marriage.