Even though I have been following Christ for several (14) years, I am still awestruck over how intimately the Lord knows His children. Scripture tells us that, “Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely.” And He does. What an incredible Lover the Lord is!
The Lord knows my heart better than I know it! He knows when I need genuine encouragement or when I’m simply fishing for a compliment… He knows when I am sinning in my heart despite my outward sainthood… He knows what is truth before I know what is truth. The Message paraphrases 1 Chronicles 28:9 by saying this, “God examines every heart and sees through every motive.”
The Lord is not a distant God…
This past week was the North American Christian Convention. Having been involved in ministry for many years, I have always wanted to attend, but this is the first year that all the cards lined up in order to make it possible. (Namely, my husband was not scheduled to work and was willing to watch all four children -he’s a keeper!) On Thursday, the beautiful and talented Ann Voskamp (author of 1,000 Gifts and blogger at A Holy Experience) was scheduled to speak at the Women’s Luncheon. I subscribe to her blog, am about 1/3 of the way through her book, and, being an author and blogger myself, I was interested in seeing her live and in person.
Thursday morning, I prayed as I drove down to the convention. I began praying for Jason and the children. Next, I prayed for the speakers of the day. Then I prayed that the Lord would direct my steps and ordain my meetings. I prayed that specifically because I know my past.
In the political arena, on more than one occasion, I pushed my way to the front in order to network with certain people. While, that tactic proved to be successful at the time, I did not (and do not) want that to be part of my world anymore… especially in my ministry of writing. I trust the Lord to open the doors of opportunity or I grant Him permission to leave them closed. His will — not mine.
The luncheon was fantastic and Ann shared a beautiful and passionate message with lessons, I am sure, that will find their way into a future post. I enjoyed sitting with our pastor’s wife, seeing old friends, and meeting new ones. As we were eating Kate, who blogs at Southern Dwellings, asked if I was planning on attending Ann’s afternoon talk on blogging. I wasn’t aware that she was going to teach a class… on blogging none-the-less.
I debated what to do, but decided to attend Ann’s class. Sadly, as we approached the room a worker said, “This room is full. Ann will be repeating this talk at 3:30.” Between an expired meter parking spot and a husband with all the littles, I wasn’t going to stay that late into the afternoon. As Kate and I were about to turn around the same worker said, “There is actually a couple of seats in the front row if you want to sneak up the side.”
Filled with an undeniable peace, I made my way to the front. Clearly, the Lord wanted me to be in that class (so much so, He saved me a front row seat). It didn’t take long to figure out His purpose for having me there as Ann spoke on “Upside Down Blogging.”
Oh how my soul needed this!
Over the past month, I have been struggling with discouragement regarding this blog. Ann’s Spirit-filled words encouraged me to be less concerned with numbers or protocol and more intentional in dedicating this blog as an altar to the Lord. God, in His wisdom of my heart, knew that I needed to be present for that talk.
When she finished, the audience was told that, in preparation for her next class, Ann would not be greeting anyone at that time. As I prepared to leave, I said hi to a friend of mine… who happens to be real-life friends with Ann. She offered to introduce me to her. As soon as we met, Ann gave me a huge hug.
We spoke briefly about children (she said I didn’t look old enough to have four children – hello, new best friend!), husbands, and writing. When I gave her a copy of For the Love of Our Husbands, she opened it, scanned the front page, and said, “Wait! Did you sign it?” I told her I had not. “You have to sign it!” she says.
So, I signed a copy of my humble little book and handed it to the sweetest New York Times Best Seller!
We parted with another hug where she whispered, “Just keep doing what you are doing.” As she spoke those words, tears welled up in my eyes.
How did she know that I needed to hear those words? She didn’t. The Lord did. “Just keep doing what you are doing…” was a message not from Ann to Darby, but from the Lord’s heart to my heart. Ann was merely the vessel.
“Keep doing what you are doing.”… Well, what am I doing?
I am a very flawed wife striving to, with God’s help, be a more prayerful and purposeful helpmate to my husband. This blog grants me the space to write those lessons: the large, the small, the painful, and the embarrassing. My words aren’t perfectly edited or particularly eloquent, but they are sincere. I am not approaching blogging in a conventional manner, but I am learning to be at peace with my direction, intention, and calling all the while striving not to compare this ministry to someone else’s. Ultimately, I am not writing to please people, but to please the Lord.
I reflected on those thoughts and the Lord’s goodness as I walked back to my over-an-hour-expired parking spot. I rationalized how my day was worth the ticket that was sure to be waiting on my windshield. Yet… there was no ticket to be found. I arrive home, several hours after I had anticipated, to all the children resting peacefully. Best of all, my husband didn’t seem the least bit frazzled (again, he’s a keeper). Talk about the Lord orchestrating every moment of that day!
The Lord’s lesson didn’t stop there!
What the Lord spoke to me at the North American was confirmed and reinforced in the days following my meeting with Ann. That evening, I received an encouraging e-mail from a blog reader whom I have never met. The following day, I read a chapter of Kyle Idleman’s book gods at war where I was, again, reminded to redefine success from worldly standards to God’s definition. I am not one of Pinterest’s Must-Follow Christian Women, but that isn’t my goal! My desire is simply to write how the Lord directs… He is my only audience.
I am thankful that the Lord has gifted me with the opportunity to write. My prayer for this blog is that the Lord will handpick those who will read it. May my words be a love offering to Him as I try to rid my marriage of self and prayerfully replace it with His Spirit. I am grateful for you, sweet reader. Thank you for allowing me to share this story with you.
Rebekah says
Amen! Isn’t God good to provide what we need? I’m one of those hand-picked readers that God has directed to your site and I’m wildly blessed by what I’m reading here! Keep going – praying with and for you, that God would bless our writings and direct *His* words to reach others! After all – it’s ALL His!
darbyd says
Thank you, Rebekah! God brought you and your sweet words to mind often as I struggled with this. I appreciate the encouragement. Thanks! Praying we write for Him!
Dawn says
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Keep doing what you are doing…yes, good words, good lessons and God all over your special gifts and time.
darbyd says
Thank you, Dawn! I appreciate your words. Same for you: keep doing what you are doing. 🙂
Sarah Brown says
Would it encourage you to know that your blog is my homepage?! In the middle of taking care of three children and daily struggles, when I log onto my computer and see your words- your encouragement for the second most important relationship I have- to me it’s God orchestrating through you 🙂 I struggle so much with being a godly wife and your messages are always spot on. Thanks for doing what you do !
darbyd says
Wow, Sarah! Praise God and Thank you! Thank you for sharing and for reading. It is so hard to keep marriage as the second most important relationship in the midst of parenting. I daily struggle with being a godly wife too! So thankful we can journey together! Grateful… humbled… thank you.
Jen Stults says
This post speaks to me because as a new blogger, I often feel conflicted about how much (if at all) marketing and money-making should play into blogging. There is so much out there about dreaming big and reaching your full potential for the Lord in the context of creating a successful blog or speaking ministry, yet I cannot fully reconcile myself to these ideas. I believe in a Big God, but I don’t believe His purposes are the same for all. I’m not convinced that the definition of success being peddled is what I would define as success. God’s been speaking to me about just being obedient first and foremost and trusting Him to do what He wills with the rest. I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one leaving it up to God to open whatever doors He may. 🙂
darbyd says
Sweet Jen! I feel ya! I can grow so discouraged when I see the “mega” bloggers… I try to remember that God has called them to that ministry and He has called me to this one. I don’t want to be a “slave” to the blog – feeling like I have to post and promote… I have confidence that the Lord will grow this blog or keep it small based on what He desires for me. Yet, despite my confidence in the Lord, I can let my thoughts and flesh get the best of me – thus, the discouragement. Since Anne’s talk I disabled all site counters to help me write for Him alone.
kate says
I LOVE this post! Isn’t it amazing how He worked out all the details for us?! I am working on a recap too..hopefully I’ll get it posted within the month. 🙂
darbyd says
It was! Can’t wait to read your post! Love that we connected there. 🙂
Kelley Gaskin says
Interesting, I was in a foul funk today and am having trouble identifying what is welling up inside, let alone explain myself to my inquiring husband. From Pinterest, I stumbled upon your blog post about “controlloing our husbands” and a lot became clear. From that post, I quickly texted my husband and apologized for pouting and asked him to grant me patience as I was trying to identify my feelings without dumping my discontent in his lap. He appreciated the text and I have since gone on and read every other blog post on your site.
Keep doing what your doing:), you are speaking to many…
darbyd says
Oh, Kelley! Thank you! Your words brought tears to my eyes and I thank God for using this space for His glory. I SO understand having trouble identifying why (or how) I end up in “funky town” — I will be praying for you! I appreciate your reading and commenting!
Candy says
Wow! Talk about “timing”! This article is exactly what I needed to read – today. If I had read this when it originally posted the words wouldn’t have been relevant to me as I wasn’t even a “blogger” at the time. But, here I am now several months into blogging and in desperate need of the reminder to keep doing what I’m doing and to ALWAYS remember that everything I do should be as unto the Lord…not unto the “numbers.”
darbyd says
Praise God, Candy! His timing is perfect and I am so glad that those words encouraged you… today! I will be praying for your blog… that it grows according to His plan. Thanks for sharing!
Pat Fenner says
Wow…just yesterday I attended a workshop on having an “upside down” business, and then your concept of being an upside down blogger…well, guess God wants me to hear something here.
I do confess to getting a little over-concerned with “man’s” approval and not-so-much worried about HIS…
Thanks for the reminder…
darbyd says
Ha! God does have a way of repeating His messages. 🙂 I, so often, fall into the people pleasing trap. I actually read an excellent book called “When People Are Big and God is Small.” — it really opened my eyes to the problem living for the approval of man can be.
Thanks for sharing! So glad you did!