My Pride Wreaks Havoc on My Marriage.
A couple of weeks ago, after a guest used our bathroom, I meekly asked my husband to clean it for me. You see, my fear of germs is out of control, and I did not feel comfortable with anyone else using that bathroom until we sanitized the entire room. However, I didn’t want to do the cleaning myself. Jason asked me to check my pride. To me is was more a germ-a-phobe issue more than a pride issue, but he disagreed. Several times Jason reiterated that our family’s bathroom use isn’t any “cleaner” than anyone else’s.
His response left me hurt and angry. When I asked him to clean the toilet, I expected him to say, “Sure, baby, whatever you need. I’m happy to serve you.” Instead, he cleaned it but pointed out that my heart needed some cleaning as well.
My pride did not like him making such accusations.
A few days later, another conflict arose when I said someone at his work wasn’t my biggest fan. Jason did not allow me to play the victim card. “Actually, I don’t think you like her,” he said as he named a few times I was less than kind toward this person. Instead of matching my silence, he asked me deep questions to get to the source of my unkindness.
My pride did not like him making such an effort to uncover my motives.
Reflecting on the hard week of conversations, I confessed to Jason some of my insecurities and fears. About germs, co-workers, and everything in between. Throughout it all, Jason kept pointing out that my pride makes a mess of everything. He’s right, but instead of confessing it, I accused him of not handling my feelings well.
“You’re not a safe person for me to talk to anymore.”
Revealing my true emotions is a struggle for me, and often I’m looking for a listening and supportive ear. Yet, these past few weeks, my husband has challenged my feelings, thoughts, and actions. My pride has not been okay with this and leaves me believing the lie I can’t express my inner thoughts to my husband. I feel hurt when he calls me out when I want him to comfort me as I stay in my sin.
As I was silently vowing to never be vulnerable with Jason again, the Lord led me 2 Timothy 4:3-4,
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
I want my husband to tell me what my itching ears want to hear. I don’t want him to point out my sin or encourage me to mature. Those thoughts, however, come from my flesh and pride which intends for me to turn from the truth and embrace myths such as:
- My sin isn’t that bad.
- Everybody has an issue, and this is mine.
- My husband shouldn’t correct me.
- I don’t need to change; I just want to express myself.
Obadiah 1:3 warns us that the pride of our hearts deceives us. I must remain on guard against my pride by allowing my husband access into areas of struggle. I may not like the truth coming to the surface, but it is through this process that my sin will loosen its grip and begin to die.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. ~ Proverbs 11:2
How do you overcome being a prideful wife?
darby dugger
eileen says
I appreciate the truth you wrote about pride…I sure need to learn this lesson too. Thank you for sharing this!
Darby Dugger says
You’re welcome! It’s always reassuring for me to know others struggle too. Thanks for leaving a comment.
Kate Redmon says
Ouch. Convicted. My husband is currently out on a run blowing off steam after I reacted to him out of pride in a hurtful way. Thanks for your transparency and willingness to call yourself and the rest of us out.
Darby Dugger says
Eek! Sorry for my delay in response. Hope things are a bit calmer now between you and your husband. Thanks for leaving a comment.
Jenna says
Pride! So deceptive. Often the proud cannot see there Pride. It is often best found in a relationship.
How loving of your husband to be willing to walk with you to this place of understanding your heart more.
Thank you for sharing!! How beautiful you’re willingness to surrender to what God said to you through your husband.
Grace and peace
Darby Dugger says
Yes, my husband is very loving and he does it with such tenderness. But, my pride still doesn’t like it. Ha. Thanks for commenting.
Melissa Schlies says
Pride is such a dangerous thing–not only does it hurt those around us, but it deeply hurts us and our relationships. I think something that helps me with it is that I have been wrong enough that when I am called out about something, I know now that as hard as it is to hear, I am better if I learn from it than deny it.
Darby Dugger says
That’s very true! Thanks for the wise advice on how to best think about it. Thanks for commenting, Melissa.
Tiffany Elder says
So good and so true. Thank you, Darby!
Darby Dugger says
You’re welcome! Thanks for engaging with the post. 🙂
Heather Bock says
I’m with you! My husband knows how to handle my pride–he points it out so gently. He knows I need it that gentle in order for me to hear him and not fight back!
Heather Bock
http://www.glimpsesofjesus.com
Darby Dugger says
I love that your husband handles you so gently… just like the Scriptures tell him too. So sweet. Glad you can relate. Thanks for leaving a comment. 🙂