I have never mastered the art of wrapping presents.
Perhaps it is a lack of patience or an actual skill I do not have. Whatever the reason, any gift I wrap ultimately looks as if a 1st grader did it for me. Despite my lack of wrapping abilities, I appreciate a perfectly wrapped present. My husband, for instance, does a remarkable job! His finished products have no air bubbles, the corners are smooth, and the edges look intentionally spliced rather than frayed. (I may be a bit jealous.)
Even though I cannot perfectly wrap presents. I am an expert at presenting myself as perfectly wrapped. Since childhood, it seemed evident to me that the lovelier I could make myself, the more others liked me. While I heard routinely that the skinnier I was, the prettier I was. It goes even deeper than that. My demeanor seemed to dictate the degree to which I was accepted.
Without even realizing it, my desire to please others gave birth to a false belief that I lived by for many years.
The false belief that people will only love me if I am a perfectly wrapped present.
People like happy Darby, positive Darby, peppy Darby, intentional Darby, selfless Darby, spiritual Darby.
People do not like messy Darby, depressed Darby, needy Darby, wounded Darby, grumpy Darby.
And like all false beliefs, it is a lie!
Initially, I cast blame on others. At the slightest sense of rejection, I assume it is my primary wrapping job showing the mess beneath, and well, who could love what is underneath?! However, truth is, it is me who doesn’t like the less-than-perfect version of myself. I project my disgust on others and use that as motivation to make sure my wrapping is pristine.
Until I could no longer stay perfectly wrapped.
Several months ago, my life flipped upside down. And when you’re feeling as if you are dangling wrong side up in mid-air, there is no time or energy to devote toward looking perfect.
And amazingly enough, I am learning the truth that it is to God’s glory that we are not perfectly wrapped. God’s grace, His unmerited favor, in the midst of my ugliness is breathtakingly beautiful.
Even more beautiful than a perfectly wrapped present.
But, as silly as it sounds, I am grieving the “perfectly wrapped Darby.” I miss her a little bit. But, the Lord encouraged me with this, “Jesus was perfectly wrapped so that you don’t have to be.”
“This will be the sign for you: You will find a baby wrapped tightly in cloth and lying in a manger.”
Luke 2:12
“After he bought some linen cloth, Joseph took him down and wrapped him in the linen. Then he laid him in a tomb cut out of the rock and rolled a stone against the entrance to the tomb.”
Mark 15:46
Jesus was born and wrapped in swaddling clothes. He died and was wrapped in linen cloth. Both of those wrappings weren’t perfect. Babies pee, poop, and puke on everything. Death on a cross would have left his body sweaty and bloody.
The wrapping wasn’t perfect, but Jesus was.
I want to be neat and tidy. A perfectly wrapped present. I want to have a cookie-cutter spiritual answer for everything. Unshakable faith, boundless joy, immeasurable hope, abounding love. I want tunnel vision for heaven so that nothing on this earth rattles me.
And yet, unshakable faith can co-exist with questions. Joy with sorrow. Hope with despair. Love with boundaries. I am heaven-bound and earth-weary.
Looking at the life of Jesus in the Gospels, I don’t see him gravitating toward people who look perfectly wrapped. Quite the opposite, actually. He enjoyed being with those whose edges were frayed and he called out those who tried to look perfect.
I don’t have to appear perfect, because Jesus is.
I appreciate perfectly wrapped presents, but only under the Christmas tree from now on. No longer do I want to waste time or energy covering over my shortcomings because of fear of rejection. I don’t want to stay neatly wrapped up with a bow on my head thinking that is what the Lord, and other people, want. The Lord calls us to holiness, not perfection. And, because of Jesus, He gladly wraps our messiness in His salvation and righteousness.
I rejoice greatly in the Lord, I exult in my God;
Isaiah 61:10
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation
and wrapped me in a robe of righteousness,
as a groom wears a turban and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
To Him Be the Glory!
What People are Saying