Earlier this month, I went to see a Christian Counselor (which is something I highly recommend as long as they are properly trained and promote Biblical advice). Linda, whose insight I highly value, knows me and my husband well. My purpose for our meeting had to do with Jason and I still not having a single vision for our family. My feelings regarding our differences left me with an overwhelming hopeless feeling. I needed outside help.
The session did not disappoint. While my counselor couldn’t speak a formula into my life which would magically make everything better… she did speak a truth into my life which which I must take to heart! After hearing my story, Linda pointed out that my husband and I are in the midst of a process.
While my focus is on the end result and the decisions that must be made… I cannot neglect the importance of our journey.
Ignoring the process while focusing on the destination is a dangerous oversight of mine. I am impatient and don’t like living in the “in-between.” The times when we don’t know the answers to the questions about future career changes, school choices, family size, relocation, and the like. I view the process (of waiting on God, decision making, etc.) to be painful and, thus, want to get through it as quickly as possible. I prefer to have things planned out and, like in our current case, when the process is taking a century (over dramatic, much), I make many martial mistakes.
For example, I will start a discussion, almost daily, regarding all of the “unknowns.” These conversations add immense stress to our marriage because I continue to push my own agenda and feel hurt by my husband’s unchanged opinions. They conclude by widening the emotional divide between us. I will voice, agitatedly, that we should make rash decisions in order to get this season over with (maturity isn’t my strong suit). Clearly, I am not processing well.
How we handle these times of the “unknown” is of vital importance!
My heart’s desire is for my husband and I to be on the same page. However, I am going about it the wrong way. I neglect to recognize that it is often through the difficult times, the times when my husband and I can’t agree on which direction to take, that the Lord is doing some of his greatest work — not only within our marriage, but on my heart as well.
The process it takes for us to reach an agreement is extremely significant. I neglect to respect this fact because it is an uncomfortable place for me to be, but it is exactly where God wants me. He is not divided against Himself. I know that He will lead our family to a place of unity. He has a purpose for this waiting period… a purpose for this process. I must set aside my own flesh each day in order to better process with my husband so that our marriage will be strengthened — rather than strained — during this season. I want to please God during this process. I want to process well.
What tips do you have for processing well?!
Linking up with Wifey Wednesday and Wedded Wednesday.
Brittany says
What a blessing was to read! Thank you God for using Darby to tell me what you wanted me to hear! Thank you Darby for sharing open and honestly!
darbyd says
Thank you, Brittany, for your encouraging words…. and thank You, Lord, for bringing glory to Yourself.
Anna @thisperfectmessblog says
Good words, Darby! I’m a very goal-oriented person and I am often impatient through the process, sometimes missing important lessons along the way!
darbyd says
Thanks, Anna! Impatient is my middle name! I keep putting “deadlines” on God… if we can’t agree by Christmas then we should… thankful I have a husband who is a bit more mature. 🙂
Judith at WholeHearted Home says
Thanks so much for sharing. What a good reason to go to a counselor.
darbyd says
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Beth says
It sounds like you are my long lost twin, Darby! 🙂 I, too, am impatient and often try to push my husband, and even worse, God to move things along. I know I must “be still and know God” before He will move us forward. As far as processing, I write (type) my prayers daily and often find God helps me to process my questions and concerns as I lift them up to Him. It’s amazing what He often reveals to me in those times. Great post! Kudos to you and your hubby for being proactive!
darbyd says
Ha! Beth, I too have often thought we sound very similar… although I think you are much wiser than I am! 🙂 Writing things out is an awesome suggestion. Thanks!