Over the past 24 hours, my husband and I have experienced our biggest disagreement to date. I am currently facing the question,
How do you submit/support your husband when you wholeheartedly disagree with him?
Our disagreement does not involve sin. If my husband had made a sinful choice, then certainly I would not be struggling with the burden that I need to support his decision.
In the past, when my husband and I have not been in agreement, we believed it was best not to make a decision until the Lord led us to a place of mutual agreement.
This situation is unique to us because my husband made a decision without my support.
Now, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my husband has the best of intentions. He believes this is the best choice for our family, but that provides me with little comfort. I can’t seem to get over my own desires in order to align my mind, heart, and body to communicate agreement. Yesterday, my husband told me he needed my support, but he was only met with silence and tears.
I felt, at the time, that silence was the best way to offer support. My inner dialogue seemed to resemble that of the old woman in the movie The Princess Bride,who yelled, “Boo” at Princess Buttercup for making the wrong choice (and my husband certainly didn’t need that).
Lisa Jacobson wrote once,
My husband needs to know that I am behind him when he’s making choices for the both of us.
I agree with this quote and appreciate the wise words that she offers on this matter, but in my flesh, I don’t know how to make it happen. Certainly, there are specific situations that lend themselves to making the choice to submit easier. Other times, as I mentioned last week, supporting our husbands can require sacrifice on our part, but, aside from being an inconvenience, it doesn’t affect us much.
The question I am wrestling with today is what to do when we truly don’t agree with our husband’s decision and yet have no Scriptural grounds for our lack of support?
Of course, I could sputter off that my attitude is a choice. Which is true. I could mention that I need to die to myself and sacrifice my pride. That is true, as well. I introduced in my book, For the Love of Our Husbands, the principle that feelings follow actions. Meaning that, if I want to feel in support of my husband, I must act like I support him first. This is a valid truth that shouldn’t be overlooked.
So, where do I begin? How do I get from where I am to where I need to be?
- Pray – I realized today that I had yet to pray about the situation (aside from the insincere request that Jason would change his mind). If I want to make wise choices as a wife, I can’t neglect the very important role that prayer will play in my life. Prayer will change me before it changes my husband or our circumstances. I must be prayerful about my attitude, my desires, and my heart. I need to ask God to align my heart with my husband’s. (I would also appreciate your prayers for me in this area!)
- Resolve – I must resolve not to let this come between us. I must resolve to welcome home my husband with a smile despite my feelings. I must resolve to let it go and not harbor bitterness. While most of what I need to do is a process… I must resolve to work at it and give it my all. I cannot allow myself to justify my emotions or dwell on my disagreement. I must resolve to submit joyfully.
Can you relate? How do you overcome yourself in order to submit to your husband?