What does your tone of voice say about you?
My husband and I were recently discussing if our children could have a play date at friend’s house without either of us present. We were each sharing our different hesitations and Jason said, “He (the dad) is a nice enough guy, but bottom line is I don’t trust him. I have seen how he talks to his wife: how he raises his voice, gets angry, and is condescending. I don’t want my children to be supervised by a man like that.”
What does your tone of voice say about you?
We are blessed to have a house cleaner. She comes every other week and spends a few hours in our home. Last week as she was cleaning the kitchen, my two older children began to argue and I corrected them. They chose to respond to me with a sassy attitude and so I stopped what I was doing to give them each a consequence. When I came back into the kitchen, our house keeper had tears in her eyes. She thanked me for the way I talked to my children. I didn’t understand what she referring to at first… if anything, I was embarrassed that my children were acting up in front of her… but she said she sees so many parents yell, berate, and cuss at their children that she couldn’t stop crying about how gentle my tone had been. I paid her extra that day (ha).
What does your tone of voice say about you?
I had been married less than a month when I began taking a marriage Bible study at our church. I happened to be put into a group with a lot of women who were, at that time, struggling in their marriages. Sadly, most of our discussion time was spent bashing marriage. (Side note: I ended up dropping out before the end because of how negative the whole experience was.) I remember mentioning that Jason and I have a rule where we don’t raise our voices to each other. It took about .2 seconds for someone to say, “You have only been married 4 weeks. Try being married for 4 years and then tell me you don’t yell at your husband.” Well, 8.5 years later I can still say that we don’t raise our voices to each other.
What does your tone of voice say about you?
I don’t mean to imply that we have mastered communication within our marriage. We have not. I have not.
I may not raise my voice to Jason, but my irritability still comes through in my tone of voice. My attitude can be short. My inflections, flat. My words, cold. I still have much to learn about how to communicate in a healthy God-honoring way. I have been very convicted about this lately.
How one speaks to (and about) their spouse sheds more light on their character than almost anything else.
Think about it, when a couple gets married, they pledge before the Lord and their friends that they will love, cherish, and forsake all others for their spouse. Our mate is the person we should treasure most in all of the world and our words need to must reflect that. As wives, if we can’t speak in a kind, compassionate, and respectful tone to our husband then we aren’t demonstrating to a lost world the Church’s love for Christ. And that is what marriage is all about – being an earthly picture of a heavenly relationship.
I realize many of us grew up in a house where yelling was the norm. This makes navigating your way through marriage especially difficult because you have to make an extra effort to fight against your flesh. Personally, this is a daily battle for me in both marriage and parenting, but I believe in the cause so much that it makes the struggle a joy. God calls us to be peacemakers. To be self-controlled. To be forgiving. To be respectful, kind, and compassionate. I want to honor Him in my marriage so I must make sure that my tone of voice honors my husband at all times.
Of course, husbands are also called not only to be a part of this “tone of voice” equation, but to be the leaders in it. My target audience isn’t husbands nor, as a woman, do I feel like I am in the position to speak into men’s lives. But Scripture is clear in 1 Peter 3:7 that husbands are to be considerate, respectful, and delicate when dealing with their wives. If they aren’t, it will hinder their prayers! The Lord certainly holds our husbands to a high standard when it comes to tone of voice and the words that are spoken. If your husband is an abuser, please seek help. If your husband isn’t abusive, but struggles with his tone… be praying for him. He is, more often than not, following in the footsteps of his parents. He will need prayers to overcome this issue. As a wife, you are only responsible for your tone – not his. Make sure your tone of voice is always pleasing to the Lord.
What does your tone of voice say about you?
I am linking this post up to Wifey Wednesday, Thriving Thursday, and Desire to Inspire.
Jen Stults says
My tone is something the Lord has been convicting me of lately. I’m not a yeller by nature, but sometimes my tone can get harsh or condescending. When I heard one of my children speaking to his sibling the other day, I was shocked at first that he was being so snotty. And then I immediately felt conviction because I knew that I was guilty of using that same tone. 🙁 It is easy to forget that we can hurt others not only with the words we speak, but also with the way in which those words are spoken. Thanks for the timely reminder!
darbyd says
Yes! The Lord uses my children often to show me things to change in my own life. Marriage too. Glad you could relate… thanks for reading! 🙂
Jennifer @ A Heart For My Home blog says
Very good post. My husband and I were talking the other day(more me talking to him) about his tone with me sometimes. I asked him if he uses that same tone with the men he works with? lol Anyway I have been working on a post about it’s not what you say but how you say it. Thanks for this post!
darbyd says
Thanks, Jennifer! Excellent question regarding if he takes the same tone with men he works with. When done respectfully, I’m sure it helps him become more aware of exactly how he is saying things. Looking forward to reading your upcoming post! 🙂
Sarah says
No yelling .. unless there is a fire. Learning to use the whisper, the sweet gentle answer.
Thanks for joining the melody this week. I would be delighted to have you add your voice each week. I jot some momma notes on Monday … but its a post whenever you can during the week kind of link up. I get the filled to the brim momma schedules.
Happy day,
Sarah
http://justsarahdawn.blogspot.com/2013/05/momma-notes.html
darbyd says
Wonderful, thanks for the opportunity! 🙂