I was tired from the moment I opened my eyes, and not drowsy, but rather “bone tired.” My husband tells me this is not an actual expression, but it’s the term I use when I’m so tired my bones feel like they weigh a million pounds. The point of exhaustion where it hurts to move, and you have to exert every last ounce of energy just to walk from one room to the next.
That’s bone tired, and that was me!
Sometimes my exhaustion is understandable: when my children don’t sleep well or my auto-immune disease flares up. Sometimes I expect it after nights I’ve chosen to stay up way too late. But on this day, I didn’t have an excuse or reason to feel so tired. My productivity and mood echoed my physical sluggishness. To put it nicely, I was crabby, whiney, and honestly, someone to be avoided.
The Lord kept bringing to mind a portion of a verse from Psalms. Here’s what I read when I finally opened my Bible,
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. ~ Psalm 32:3-4
I could relate.
I felt exactly as if I had been climbing uphill on a hot, sunny summer day.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin. ~ Proverbs 32:5
Confused, I asked the Lord if he led me to this verse because I have unconfessed sin.
I began to replay the events of the past week, searching for something I did that I shouldn’t have. Nothing blatant came to mind. Then I began to do an internal evaluation. As I searched my heart, I realized that I was struggling with negative thoughts and pride. I crowned myself queen and made a list of demands for my family to meet. They didn’t live up to my ideas, so I harbored unkind thoughts and inwardly held them hostage to my frustration.
My poor family.
They didn’t know, and I figured that since I kept my thoughts to myself, there was no harm done. But I was wrong.
- When I become the center of my universe and desire only my agenda, I rob God of His place in my life & His direction for my day.
- If I expect my family to make me happy, I’m dabbling in idolatry.
- Not controlling my thoughts and making them obedient to Christ, gives Satan a foothold.
- The times I inwardly grumble, I disobey God’s Word.
My unconfessed sin had zapped me of my energy. God’s hand was heavy upon me because He wanted my attention. I apologized to Him and my family, and faithful to His Word, my “bone tiredness” departed.
Have you ever experienced God’s heavy hand of Love?
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