At the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I was quickly thrust into the role of cheerleader. We began dating at the same time he entered medical school, and we married two years later. Then, for the first five years of our marriage, he completed not only his graduate education, but a three-year intensive training program.
On the day of his very first medical school test, I drove across town to decorate the door of his apartment. I continued that tradition every single time he had an exam. I regularly helped him study and listened to him as he prepared for presentations. For seven consecutive years, I continually cheered him on, daily telling him that he could succeed. I even set aside certain days to privately fast for him because I knew he needed the Lord’s strength and endurance.
His educational experience was difficult for him, but I did my best to help him out.
I was his personal cheerleader.
My husband completed all of his training in 2009 and recently I was reflecting on how much time and energy I used to spend encouraging him and asking others to encourage him as well. I am ashamed to admit it, but over the past few years I have stopped cheering for him.
One of my reasons is that I’m in a very different phase of life. I am a stay-at-home mother to our children, and I don’t have a moment to go to the bathroom more or less decorate the house or drive to Jason’s work and leave him notes on his car.
Yet, I am using my season of life as an excuse!
I can let our family be the reason I don’t cheer for Jason or I can use it as my motivation to cheer for him all the more. I want my children to see me not only loving their father, but celebrating him. I want to teach my children, through my example, to get excited every time he walks through the door. I want to set the stage for my husband to be the hero of the home.
My children aren’t my only excuse.
I rationalize that because Jason is no longer under the intense pressure of the academic world, he doesn’t need a cheerleader… at least not in the same way he did before. He doesn’t have major exams to study for or presentations to prepare. He goes to work and comes home just like the majority of the world, so he doesn’t need all the extra attention.
What it really boils down to is sheer laziness on my part!
Being my husband’s personal cheerleader goes far beyond speaking highly of him. It is a full blown pep-rally for the man he is and the job he is doing (outside and inside the home). I have been so self-focused that I have not taken the time, energy, or sacrifice that is required to be an intentional cheerleader.
Some days, my desire to be an authentic cheerleader-wife will involve pulling out streamers and party hats (literally) while other days it will be a listening ear coupled with an understanding word. Some days it will require a private fast while other days I might lay hands on him and pray over him. Some days my excitement will be a natural overflow of my positive emotions while other days it will be a hard choice to celebrate a man that I may not like very much at that moment. Every day will provide an opportunity for me to tell my husband (not to mention our children, family, and friends) what an amazing man, husband, father, and employee he is! It will require a sacrifice on my part and many prayers as I ask God to mold me into the most enthusiastic, effervescent, and elated wife the world has ever seen!
Delora says
What a great post! I encourage my by praising him daily.
You are such a hard worker and provider!
There is no other dad like you!
Theses words keep him encouraged
darbyd says
Thank you for your kind words and for offering the ways you cheer on your husband!
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says
That must have been painful to write, but I;m glad you did. I think you may have saved some marriages.
My wife stopped being a cheerleader for me when seasons changed – I lost my job and became too ill to work, and she re-entered the workforce, first in direct sales and now as an accounting professional. She’s good at what she does, and she loves it.
I’m her cheerleader. She tells me about her day, and I am honestly impressed – I do what I can to be encouraging, and never critical.
It is one-sided. She’s not a cheerleader, and compliments or encouragement are rare. I write a fairly well-regarded marriage blog that she doesn’t read, and until recently could do advanced metalwork that drew no curiosity whatever.
That, plus taking on the household duties while I was still well enough to do them.
It’s okay. My self-esteem is my responsibility, and to make it dependent on another is not very smart.
And, frankly, with a lot of “taken for granted” time as water under the bridge, a sudden reversion to cheerleading would be pretty bad. Sincerity has to be built up over time; kind of like trust.
darbyd says
Thanks for sharing, Andrew.