My Pride Wreaks Havoc on My Marriage.
A couple of weeks ago, after a guest used our bathroom, I meekly asked my husband to clean it for me. You see, my fear of germs is out of control, and I did not feel comfortable with anyone else using that bathroom until we sanitized the entire room. However, I didn’t want to do the cleaning myself. Jason asked me to check my pride. To me is was more a germ-a-phobe issue more than a pride issue, but he disagreed. Several times Jason reiterated that our family’s bathroom use isn’t any “cleaner” than anyone else’s.
His response left me hurt and angry. When I asked him to clean the toilet, I expected him to say, “Sure, baby, whatever you need. I’m happy to serve you.” Instead, he cleaned it but pointed out that my heart needed some cleaning as well.
My pride did not like him making such accusations.
A few days later, another conflict arose when I said someone at his work wasn’t my biggest fan. Jason did not allow me to play the victim card. “Actually, I don’t think you like her,” he said as he named a few times I was less than kind toward this person. Instead of matching my silence, he asked me deep questions to get to the source of my unkindness.
My pride did not like him making such an effort to uncover my motives.
Reflecting on the hard week of conversations, I confessed to Jason some of my insecurities and fears. About germs, co-workers, and everything in between. Throughout it all, Jason kept pointing out that my pride makes a mess of everything. He’s right, but instead of confessing it, I accused him of not handling my feelings well.
“You’re not a safe person for me to talk to anymore.”
Revealing my true emotions is a struggle for me, and often I’m looking for a listening and supportive ear. Yet, these past few weeks, my husband has challenged my feelings, thoughts, and actions. My pride has not been okay with this and leaves me believing the lie I can’t express my inner thoughts to my husband. I feel hurt when he calls me out when I want him to comfort me as I stay in my sin.
As I was silently vowing to never be vulnerable with Jason again, the Lord led me 2 Timothy 4:3-4,
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
I want my husband to tell me what my itching ears want to hear. I don’t want him to point out my sin or encourage me to mature. Those thoughts, however, come from my flesh and pride which intends for me to turn from the truth and embrace myths such as:
- My sin isn’t that bad.
- Everybody has an issue, and this is mine.
- My husband shouldn’t correct me.
- I don’t need to change; I just want to express myself.
Obadiah 1:3 warns us that the pride of our hearts deceives us. I must remain on guard against my pride by allowing my husband access into areas of struggle. I may not like the truth coming to the surface, but it is through this process that my sin will loosen its grip and begin to die.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. ~ Proverbs 11:2
How do you overcome being a prideful wife?