My husband and I are working our way through the devotional Night Light by Dr. James and Shirley Dobson. One of our recent discussion questions from the book asked,
What “daily irritant” between us is most frustrating to you?
Jason’s response surprised me. He said,
As our marriage continues to mature, the daily irritants gets less because you, Darby, try to improve on the things that I mention to be bothersome. I think back to the beginning of our marriage when I would express my desire for you to come up with a better system for your keys and money… I don’t have to say those things anymore.
I was humbled by his response because, truth be told, I haven’t intentionally improved on those behaviors! In fact, only the day before, I opted to place my credit card in my back pocket rather than to bring my entire purse into the grocery store. Knowing exactly what I was doing, and that it would have upset my husband, I mused to myself, “It is a good thing Jason isn’t with me right now.”
As I made the choice to take my credit card out of my wallet and slip it into my back pocket, I was fully aware that Jason wouldn’t have approved. However, it took my husband’s expression of gratitude for me to realize the shameful truth that I only improve on my behaviors that irritate Jason when he is around.
That is not honoring my husband.
My husband and I have a dog who we lovingly refer to as our “first born.” In the early years of his life, I would never hesitate to give him table scraps and his weight reflected this choice. Over the past year, my husband has strictly limited Tucker’s food intake and even trained him to sit in a different room while we eat our meals in the kitchen.
However, when my husband isn’t home, I don’t do a great job enforcing this rule! In fact, I don’t even try! Tucker is aware of the difference between Jason and I and it is evident in his behavior. He will faithfully sit on the carpet when Daddy is home, but won’t even attempt to obey when it is just me. I rationalize that it is hard enough to manage my four children without trying to control my dog too, and yet, as I reflect on my behavior… I see that I am not supporting my husband when he is out of sight.
Out of sight, out of mind should not be an attitude I foster in my marriage.
If my husband has asked me several times to come up with a better system for securely storing my credit card, then I need to do so regardless of if my husband is standing next to me or traveling out of state. If my husband sets a rule in our house, then I need to enforce the same expectation even when he is not home. If I only modify a certain behavior because my husband is present with me then I am being a deceitful wife.
Will you join me in making an extra effort to improve the areas of our lives that our husbands desire us to change…. Even when they aren’t around?
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Sharing with Wifey Wednesday.
Olga says
What a blessing, excuse my bad English, use a translator to read your blog, so … Thanks for sharing your experiences, which in turn are all ever, many blessings for your life and family.
darbyd says
Hi Olga! Thank you for reading and commenting… despite the different language! Blessings to you too!
Lisa says
This post hit where it hurt–right at the “I see myself. She’s right. It’s deceitful.” spot! Thank you. I know where I’ve done it in the past. The pets were a problem for me too. We no longer have any, but I need to check myself for what areas that same problem might be rearing its ugly head.
darbyd says
Sorry to hit that spot, but thankful you can relate. 🙂 Thank you for commenting!