Today, November 1st, marks eight months since my world turned upside down. Dates are important to me, so eight months after holding a (figurative) bomb that exploded… I am still standing, and that seems like something to commemorate.
I don’t know what you are facing today… what fears, worries, insecurities, heart aches, pains, disappointments, or confusions plague your mind. I don’t know what prayers you have whispered or what tiny scrap of faith you have had to cling to in order not to lose it all. I haven’t been a part of your conversations with others who have seemingly forgotten (or worse, question the validity of) your pain. But can I speak into your situation even without knowing the details?
You are seen.
You are held.
You are loved.
It might not seem like it, but there is a God who truly does walk close to the broken-hearted. I write that with full confidence… even though these past eight months He has not felt near. At times I screamed for Him to make himself known… begged for Him to heal and restore. My waiting and expecting was met with utter silence.
Faith is evidence of what we do not see.
I could not see any good or any hope.
I could not see God.
But like Bartimaeus I continue to yell, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” And like Simon Peter I declare, “Lord, to whom else will I go? You alone have the words of eternal life.” Over these months I have sat with my arms crossed and hands clinched. I have cried tears I didn’t know I had. I have questioned everything I thought to be true. And even though my situation hasn’t changed… I have.
I’m not on the other side of things yet, but I’m already more certain than ever that my God is on the throne. In Him alone is the only source of truth, life, and love found. I have always known about the Devil, but in this season, I have watched him come to kill, steal, and destroy… I have listened to his snarly voice, felt his breath on my neck, and collapsed under the continual punches he’s been hurling at me.
And even though I’m exhausted… I’m convinced that Greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world.
Jesus does not abandon us as orphans, but instead gathers us up in his arms and fights for us. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death… we will fear no evil for He is with us. Like the father who wanted Jesus to heal his son… I whisper, “Help my unbelief.” With the same desperation of the bleeding woman, I reach out to touch the hem of His robe.
God could speak, and my pain would vanish. He could declare me healed and it would be so. But He hasn’t yet, and I’m learning that this journey He has me on is, in fact, for my good. There are chains He’s breaking, and battles He’s winning. I don’t always like His plan, but He never asked for my opinion. He just asks for my heart… my trust… and with a quivering hand I give Him all my broken pieces. I can feel Him begin to bind up my wounds all while dealing with me tenderly. I am experiencing, even in this dark time, the astounding truth that God is love.
If you are grieving, doubting, hurting… don’t abandon yourself to despair. Our God is mighty to save. He takes great delight in you: quieting you with his love and rejoicing over you with singing. You can trust Him… He is so, so good.
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