Earlier this month, I went to see a Christian Counselor (which is something I highly recommend as long as they are properly trained and promote Biblical advice). Linda, whose insight I highly value, knows me and my husband well. My purpose for our meeting had to do with Jason and I still not having a single vision for our family. My feelings regarding our differences left me with an overwhelming hopeless feeling. I needed outside help.
The session did not disappoint. While my counselor couldn’t speak a formula into my life which would magically make everything better… she did speak a truth into my life which which I must take to heart! After hearing my story, Linda pointed out that my husband and I are in the midst of a process.
While my focus is on the end result and the decisions that must be made… I cannot neglect the importance of our journey.
Ignoring the process while focusing on the destination is a dangerous oversight of mine. I am impatient and don’t like living in the “in-between.” The times when we don’t know the answers to the questions about future career changes, school choices, family size, relocation, and the like. I view the process (of waiting on God, decision making, etc.) to be painful and, thus, want to get through it as quickly as possible. I prefer to have things planned out and, like in our current case, when the process is taking a century (over dramatic, much), I make many martial mistakes.
For example, I will start a discussion, almost daily, regarding all of the “unknowns.” These conversations add immense stress to our marriage because I continue to push my own agenda and feel hurt by my husband’s unchanged opinions. They conclude by widening the emotional divide between us. I will voice, agitatedly, that we should make rash decisions in order to get this season over with (maturity isn’t my strong suit). Clearly, I am not processing well.
How we handle these times of the “unknown” is of vital importance!
My heart’s desire is for my husband and I to be on the same page. However, I am going about it the wrong way. I neglect to recognize that it is often through the difficult times, the times when my husband and I can’t agree on which direction to take, that the Lord is doing some of his greatest work — not only within our marriage, but on my heart as well.
The process it takes for us to reach an agreement is extremely significant. I neglect to respect this fact because it is an uncomfortable place for me to be, but it is exactly where God wants me. He is not divided against Himself. I know that He will lead our family to a place of unity. He has a purpose for this waiting period… a purpose for this process. I must set aside my own flesh each day in order to better process with my husband so that our marriage will be strengthened — rather than strained — during this season. I want to please God during this process. I want to process well.
What tips do you have for processing well?!