“Have nothing to do with fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible…” ~Ephesians 5:11-13
Are you in the habit of talking with your husband about secret sin struggles?
Not just in his life, but those that are in your life, as well?
In the Ephesians verse listed above, Paul encourages a vulnerability regarding deeds done in darkness. I don’t know anyone who is excited to share their shortcomings with another person, but when we do, we experience a freedom that we previously didn’t have. In a marriage, that freedom transforms into deep intimacy.
I kept this act to myself.
I never mentioned this to my husband because I was confident he would tell me not to approve it and, well, I was curious about her.
My omission began to get the best of me.
I tried to justify our Facebook friendship by rationalizing that Jason never “officially” objected, but I had never “officially” mentioned it. I didn’t hesitate to tell him about his co-worker or college roommate who had become my “friends,” but when it came to her...silence. I even went so far as to hide posts that she had liked from my in-laws so as to make sure they wouldn’t mention anything to Jason and, thus, bring my private friendship with her into the light.
This secret began to chip away at my security in our marriage as I began to wonder how I would explain everything.
My fear of being exposed led to fruitlessness in every area of our marriage.
I had trouble connecting spiritually, emotionally, and physically because of how consumed my mind was with all the “what ifs.”
Do you know how everything came to the surface?
Jason discovered it on his own! My dark deed of omission (not to mention the blur of proper relationship boundaries) was exposed and brought into the light. The embarrassment I had expected to experience never came to be; instead, I was introduced to utter freedom because I no longer was intentionally keeping a secret from my husband.
After processing everything with Jason, I realized that I had been projecting my hidden sin onto him. For months, I was convinced that Jason was hiding things from me because of the secret I was keeping from him. Those fears planted an incredible amount of insecurity in my heart and Satan was having a heyday as he wedged an unspoken gulf between a husband and his wife.
I am not proud of that story (in fact, it makes me cringe), but the amazing truth is that, praise God, I am not the same person I was back then (I not only unfriended that girl, but I haven’t had a personal Facebook page since October of 2011). However, I have yet to master complete vulnerability with my husband. I would rather keep my negative thoughts, impure motives, and other shameful sins to myself rather than to volunteer my flaws. As I reflect on that past mistake, I am reminded that it is much better (although not always easier) to share my secret sin struggles with Jason before the weight of their surreptitiousness negatively impacts every area of my marriage. There is truly a blessing that comes when darkness is exposed to the light.
Do you regularly share your sins with your husband? How would this increase intimacy in your marriage?