Does your marriage have social media accountability?
Last week, my husband made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take our family to a pumpkin patch. Picking pumpkins is something that we do every year, but I usually have advance notice. I frantically rummaged through our closets, trying to find matching clothes for us all because Jason loves to take a family photo among all the vines. Feeling discouraged by our lack of coordinating clothes, I finally began the feat of getting myself ready. There was no time for a shower and after a few attempts of perfecting a bun in my hair, I let out a frustrated sigh and said, “I don’t like my outfit or my hair!”
Jason, who had been watching me grow more and more anxious, calmly said, “Let’s just call it off. I thought picking pumpkins would be fun for our family, but if it is going to cause this much stress, it isn’t worth it. I hope your attitude isn’t about having a perfect picture to post on Instagram. I just want to take a family picture for us.”
I shot him a glare and snapped, “This has nothing to do with Instagram.”
I spoke those words so quickly and defensively that, in my heart, I knew my husband had called me out.
Jason is not a fan of social media. You won’t find him on any forms of it. I, on the other hand, have my share of accounts. Most of them are blog related and provide a place for me to connect with readers and share content. Instagram, however, is the one that feels most personal to me. So, yes, when my husband asked if I was stressed because I wanted a cute Instagram photo, he was right. I had put my friends on a higher pedestal than my family.
When Jason suggested a family day, I wanted everyone to look their best so that I could post a picture. Why? Why not treasure these moments in my heart or privately scrapbook them? The answer is I want people to see us as a cute and happy family. Yet in my heart I care too much about what others think, and that’s what can ruin a cute and happy family moment.
Social media is hard to balance in marriage. I had such a toxic relationship with Facebook, I deleted my personal page four years ago. Our marriage has benefited in so many ways because I removed the idol it had become to me. I wouldn’t say that Instagram is as intense of a struggle, but judging from my defensive attitude toward Jason, I realize I have some budding issues that need to be identified and addressed. When Facebook entered our marriage, we did not set up a system of answerability. If I don’t want to go down that road again, I must desperately seek accountability for Instagram.
For me, that will look like asking Jason’s permission or opinion before posting anything personal on Instagram. This is a really good solution for us because it will cause me to consider my motives. My husband’s most common question when it comes to social media is, “Why?” If he asks that for every picture I want to post, it will be a good opportunity to weigh if my motives are to glorify God or myself. Do my postings have a purpose or are they spurred by boredom? Inviting my husband into this area of weakness for me will bring about accountability that I don’t particularly want, but I desperately need.
I don’t know what (if any) social media you partake in, but what accountability do you and your husband have for 1) whom you follow or communicate with, and 2) deciphering why you post the things you post?
If it isn’t social media that’s an issue, into what area of your life might you invite your husband’s accountability?
If this topic interests you, here are the other posts I have written regarding social media:
No Cell Phones in Bed.
Ghosts {Or, Why I Deleted My Facebook Account}
Sins of Omission
Social Media Porn
What People are Saying