Fasting use to be a regular spiritual discipline in my life, but it has slipped over the years. In fact, the last time I fasted was 2013, and before that was 2010. Over the past few months, the Lord has been prompting me to fast again, but I am running in disobedience.
At first, I shrugged off his suggestion with the excuse that I don’t have a reason to fast. In 2013, I was begging God to give Jason and I a single vision for our marriage. In 2010, I was fasting for Jason as he took his final exam to become a board-certified physician. I am estimating it has been at least fifteen years since I fasted out of obedience rather than out of need. My excuse for not having a particular intention behind my fast was not acceptable to the Lord, and he continued to point out that I have five children who are reason enough on their own. As I continued to ignore God, he has continued to pester. He is opening my eyes to the pride creeping up in the heart of my daughter. As I watch her attitude, I feel the Lord saying, “Fast about her pride issue.” My five-year-old son is a very visual boy. As he carries around a tattered Legos magazine, continually staring at the impressive figurines (which are only $799.00!), God taps my heart, “Fast for protection from pornography exposure.” Every day I continue to feel his nudge, but I want to avoid the sacrifice. There is nothing in me that wants to do it.
So, I blame my husband.
I tell God that I can’t fast because Jason doesn’t fast. In all the years I have known him, I have never once seen him truly fast. Skip a meal? Sure. Lean into God for his nourishment? Not so much.
Before I continue, I want to say that I love and respect my husband immensely. In no way is this post intended to be a critique or complaint against my husband. I’m grateful that he loves the Lord and lives in the light of the Word. Jason is a humble man of integrity who leads our home well, walking closer with the Father than I do. However, he does not fast.
In the past, I have asked him to join me, but he only abstains from food until the next meal and does not do the hard work of praying and listening to God. At the end of the fast, he views it as a waste of time. I couldn’t help but replay those words as the Lord has been prompting my heart. How can I practice this discipline when my husband doesn’t understand? Jason supports me fasting, but I can’t help to wonder if he thinks I’m doing it to prove a point, seem more spiritual, or to guilt him into fasting with me? His chosen inability to participate hinders my desire to obey. In the shower, I was playing the my-husband-doesn’t card when the Lord interrupted,
I’m not calling your husband to fast. I’m calling you.
Here’s the thing, I’m living in disobedience as I wait for my husband to make the first move. Knowing my husband’s hesitations and reservations about fasting does not justify my insubordination (as much as I wish it did). Yes, I want him as the spiritual head of the house to lead me in this time of fasting (and it’s easier to skip a meal when you aren’t the only one), but I can’t use him as my excuse to disregard God’s Word. One day I will stand before the Lord and the My husband did not fast, so I didn’t fast excuse will not hold any weight in the presence of the Almighty. I don’t know when the Lord will call Jason into a period of authentic fasting, but that is between the two of them. I need to focus on what is going on between God and myself and walk in submission to his every direction.
What area of your life do you depend on your husband’s participation before fully obeying God?
Sarah King says
Hi Darby,
I’ve been subscribing to your blog for almost a year now, and I just wanted to thank and encourage you for what you’re doing here. Your honesty and vulnerability are truly refreshing, but you always take it a step further and really get into the blockages occurring deep in the heart- being humbly honest in your own conviction and listening to the Lord’s call to look inside before looking outward. I sincerely admire your ability to do that and have been struggling with that level of self-honesty, while simultaneously wanting to hear the Lord speak to me clearly; it’s been a spirit vs flesh battle that my husband has been so patient and gracious with me over. His ministering to me has not been easy for either of us because of my pride, but we’re getting there God-willing and I’m so thankful for him.
He just started a blog of his own (kingspath.wordpress.com) and I truly believe God has given him a unique and steadfast perception on God’s character and how to apply it to the Right Now. (First hand experience!) I was wondering if you might have some good pointers for us on getting started in blogging ? Since I love and admire yours I thought you’d be a great Christian resource to ask as we embark together into spreading Truth and lessons-learned on the internet!
Love in Christ, sister Darby!
-Sarah
darbyd says
Hi Sarah! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog. Truly, it means so much to me!
And, thank God for amazing husbands. Mine is also patient and gracious with me. Glad you have that.
How neat about your husband’s blog! I will have to check it out. Hm, good pointers? Make sure you are consistent with posting every so often, so people know to check back for new content. Start social media accounts to publicize your posts and recruit your friends and family to help spread the word. Begin trying to connect with other bloggers who write on similar topics. Most bloggers are very friendly and a good deal of cross-promotion can happen by a simple friendship. But above all, pray! My continual prayer is that the Lord will hand-pick my readers and that He will bring to the blog whoever needs to read a specific post. I can sometimes get caught up in the “I should…” but ultimately, I write for One and as long as I walk in obedience to what He is prompting, I don’t need to worry about anything else.
Let me know if you have any other questions. 🙂
Love,
Darby
Sarah King says
Darby you are so sweet, thank you so much for taking the time to share some advice with us. Above all, pray indeed! We’ll be praying that the Lord continues to work in your life and blog to help inspire, challenge, and encourage readers like us and those He wants to read a specific post at a specific time- He’s never late and never rushed and may He keep gently reminding us of that. Keep on sister.
Love,
Sarah
Tawanda says
I want to fast to save my marriage can you help me, any suggestions
Darby Dugger says
I’m sorry, but I can’t really help since I don’t know you personally. I will encourage you to fight for your marriage on your knees! I will also caution you to not determine God’s faithfulness based on the outcome of your marriage. He if faithful and good no matter what happens in your marriage. He is there for you now and will be in the future… no matter what. Cling to him, work on your issues, and pray/fast like a mad woman. That is my advice. Blessings…
Tawanda says
Thanks, can you send me the link to order a bracelet. I can’t seem to get it thanks.tawandachandra@yahoo.com
Darby Dugger says
http://darbydugger.com/store/ should lead you to a page, and at the bottom of the page is a drop down menu for you to order. I have heard it isn’t always reliable on a mobile phone or device. Thanks!
Valerie says
Thanks for your transparency. I’ve been struggling with fasting. I think it is simply because I am struggling with obeying. Yes, I want to fast, but it is hard to fast my time when everyone else is doing fun things or hanging out. 🙁 It might seem odd to fast time, but I use my free time to draw nearer to God through the Word. I think I need to work on praying/conversing more as well. At the end of 2015 God told me to fast bread, sweets, and eat meats three times a week. Ouch! It has been such a struggle. I prayed about a sweet here and there: may I have one ____ ? But I found that it is hard to stop with just one bite, I’d ask for another -sometimes it was yes, sometimes no. But the thought of sugar being on my teeth came to mind . . . Finally He gave me the impression of candy as being the forbidden fruit. YIKES! I almost prayed about it again and remembered, it is “forbidden”. I went and put a sticky notes on my candy from Christmas….I had hoped to be able to eat it before now. But I have no idea when this fast is to end. 🙁 Come to find out I have the start of a cavity -maybe two. So, I guess He is looking out for me. 😉 I am trusting Him to heal my teeth or send me to the dentist.
So, glad I found your blog. Found you this weekend. 🙂
Darby Dugger says
Hi Valerie! So glad you found my blog too. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your similar struggle and how you’re obeying through it. I love the image of sugar being the forbidden fruit! I will be praying for God to show me what is my forbidden fruit!